Saturday, October 15, 2005

The Funniest Joke

There are some damn funny jokes out there, and religious ones are often the funniest. The website Ship of Fools recently held a contest for the funniest religious joke, and the results are hilarious.

The Christian website showed a surprising fondness for black humour about their faith, or lack of it. "We were surprised that Christians sent such offensive jokes. We didn't think they had it in them," said the editor of the site, Simon Jenkins.

There were two categories: funniest joke and most offensive joke.

Here are a few of my favorite runner ups in the top ten of the two categories:

In the offensive jokes section:

Jesus walks into a motel, throws a bag of nails on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.

"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"

The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.

"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.

"Is there time?" asks the priest.

Here one from the funnies:

St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"
And finally, we have the winner of the Top Ten Funny Jokes:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"


"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"


"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"


"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
For a complete list of both categories, go here.

I'm glad Christians are just as ready to make fun of themselves as we are, it gives hope that they are capable of questioning their own beliefs. Jokes are a great way to look into another culture, and I suppose when you look past all of the horrible things religion has caused over the centuries, it becomes the ultimate victim for humor.


At 10/15/2005 12:50 PM, Blogger seth said...

Ah, I love the Baptist joke.

At 10/15/2005 1:45 PM, Blogger Enil Edam said...

This was a joke our Rabbi told on Rosh Hashana.

There are four Rabbis in a room, all from the same graduation class of Rabinical school. They're together having a few laughs as old friends.

One Rabbi says, "Since you guys are my closest friends, I have a confession to make. Sometimes, I have the urge to steal. When my family and I are a little short on cash and the Tzedakah box is just sitting there, I sometimes take a little to make ends meet."

Another Rabbi says, "Well, if we're going to make confessions, I have something too. I have a passion for women. I'll look out into the congregation during services and spot one beautiful woman, and have thoughts I shouldn't be having."

The third Rabbi says, "I might as well come clean. I'm a bit of an alcoholic. Even though it's only Manishevitz, I drink too much.

They all look to the fourth Rabbi and say "What about you?"

After a moment, he replies "I'm guilty of Lashon Harah, gossip. I can't wait to get out of here..."


At 10/16/2005 7:56 AM, Blogger El Penguino said...

those are pretty funny, but id really like to see some people thinking up some atheist jokes...

At 3/08/2006 11:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you hear the one about the atheist in the coffin?
All dressed up and nowhere to go...


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