Saturday, September 30, 2006

Praise Be To His Noodly Appendage

Edit: Sorry about the delay twixt posts, I actually started this a while ago and saved it as a draft, so when I published it, it was published under the date I had originally saved it, which meant it appeared somewhere at the bottom of the page. Oh well, it's here now.

...For He is fully deserving of praise. I speak of course of his Noodlieness the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have of late purchased His Gospel, and have also of... slightly more... recently... of late finished reading it and been truly enlightened. I first found out about the Church of the FSM back in '04 or '05, when I signed up for the FSM forum, and have been expectantly waiting for the Gospel to come out for quite some time now. And now that it has, I am not disappointed at all. It's really a much better read than the Bible.

...Stupid Bible

But seriously, the whole idea of the FSM is brilliant. I wish I had thought of it, and I greatly respect Mr. Bobby Henderson (Prophet) for bringing the idea into the public realm. Indeed, this book shows that the FSM has indeed transcended internet cult status and pulled itself into the light of public viewing. But I think at this momentous occasion the best action would be to look not to the future (because the future hasn't happened yet, and things that haven't happened are like monkeys, exciting at first, but then increasingly more annoying as time wears on... or like cows), but to the past.

Take a moment to reread that. OK.

And so it is with great pride that I have assembled this brief (HA HA HA HA) history of Pastafarianism. Consider yourself converted.

It all began with a letter to the Kansas School Board.

The Board had been seriously considering putting intelligent Design into schools as an alternate theory to Evolution. Bobby Henderson, in a brilliant stroke of genius (which he later accounted to a vision from the FSM) wrote a letter to the Board complaining. See, I could just give you a link. But this way it makes the post so much longer:

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I a’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I am sure you see where we are coming from. [...]

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

And so it began...

Soon after, emails began coming in from members of the School Board, some congratulatory:
Dear Mr. Henderson, Thanks for your message. Thanks for the laugh. Your web site is fascinating. I will add your theory to a long list of alternative theories I intend to introduce when it is appropriate. [...]

I will be one of the four member minority who will be voting against the flawed science standards currently being proposed by the six member majority.

Sincerely, Sue Gamble

And some not:

From: Mrs. Kathy Martin, District 6

"It is a serious offense to mock God."

Along with the letter, Bobby Henderson also forged a website, which soon attracted a cult following. From this spawned a forum, and from there it was an easy road to the glorious status it now holds of everyone on the planet having vaguely heard of it. Take this famous conversation between President Roosevelt and his secretary of state Cordell Hull for example:

President Roosevelt: Hey, what religion are you?
Cordell Hull: I'm a Pastafarian.
President Roosevelt: Oh yes, Pastafarianism, I have vaguely heard of it


One of the truly brilliant things about FSMism is it's mutual appeal to all freethinkers. I speak not only of atheists like myself, but also of anyone of any religion who recognizes the problems that religion causes. Perhaps, with time, Pastafarianism will lead the anti-religious-stupidity front, which it is already starting to do. I foresee a this mock religion being a great tool for tolerance in the world.


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