How Religion Came to Be: an Atheist Myth

A long time ago, there was a young man with amazing intellectual capacities named Zilphagin. People always came to him for advice. Since modern drugs hadn't been invented, and no one actually lived long enough to be an old, wise man.

Now, Zilphagin knew that there was more to life than sitting on a rock in the town square and answering people's questions. He could become a lawyer, or a doctor. His city-state could certainly use one of those, as university graduates were hard to come by. Anyhow, one day, he created a plan. A plan to get all those irritating, undereducated citizens to leave him alone, leaving him to pursue a better life. His plan was so simple, yet so powerful... powerful enough that thousands of years later, his legacy lives on.

His plan was, the next time anyone inquired about why the moon changed, why the tides rolled in and out, what made the sun come out in the morning, etcetera, he would tell them, "Because there's a big man named God who lives in the sky and makes it all happen." Sure enough, they left. And no one ever asked him any more questions at all. He lived happily ever after as a doctor. Unfortunately, being one of two doctors in miles around, he was never left alone. He realized how stupid his whole "God" story was.


By the way, I'm Caleb. I know Seth from the Hebrew school we both used to suffer in. I hope to be a regular contributor on Kingdom of Heathen.